I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
