Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
