38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
