remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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