He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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