I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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