dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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