Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
