I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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