spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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