I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize