Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
