you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
