Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
