I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
