omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
