im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
