i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
