I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
