They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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