Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
