why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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