people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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