Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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