I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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