she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
