At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I could make wine with my vomit
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
