I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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