about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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