And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
