somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
