Jerry, you need to find god
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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