Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
