I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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