Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
