she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
