Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
