I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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