dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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