Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
