My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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