He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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