textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
