Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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