Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
