best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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