He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't deserve a penis
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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