So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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