she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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