trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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