woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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