im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
did you just send me my own nude
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
