I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
