a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
