I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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