Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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