omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
