Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
we're so committed to being not committed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
