I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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