so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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