so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
