Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
