pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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