sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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