Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
