Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
