um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
