Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
