Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
