I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
