take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
