My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
