A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Randomize
