I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
