I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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