Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have fence marks all over my body
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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