She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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