My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize