He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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