I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
