I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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