It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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