dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
