she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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