she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
