if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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