if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize