she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
