whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
