I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
